I think that's what it means to be mortal, Liz. Not knowing things, being unsure. That's why people leave towers and explore worlds, ask questions, meet people…but I think it's only torture if you allow it to be. That's rich, isn't it? But it's something to consider. I'm trying to be a little more optimistic these days. It's half-working.
I…yeah. She's…very important to me. Like a little sister or a daughter or…something, I can't explain it very well. But Annabeth saved me and saved Olympus and if I can have more time to talk to her as myself instead of Kronos then I want to take it. I promised her that we'd be a family and I fucked that up. I want to make sure she's all right and that she'll be all right without me, wherever I go. You'd like her, I think. Very smart, very capable…she'd like you, too.
Sure, if you want to simplify it like that. In our world, when all souls die they go to the Underworld and they wait to be sorted. One of the places they can be sorted into is Elysium…it's reserved for good people, heroes and people like them. If you get into Elysium, you get the option to be reborn. If you live three lives and get into Elysium all three times, you can gain entrance to the Isles of Blest which is the ultimate paradise for the dead. Annabeth told me before I died that I would go to Elysium because I did the right thing in the end. I wasn't sure I believed her, so…I tried to make everything I did here count. I told her I was going to try for rebirth. At the time I believed it, too.
That's the risk with starting over or going backwards, I think. You never know if you're going to like the person after that. For a while, I always assumed that was the only option. Go home and be someone else, or just stay dead. Elysium's supposedly pretty good…but I think I'd get bored there. Being here though I think I finally found a third option. I don't think I've wanted anything quite so badly in a long time.
Anyway…I'm not blaming anybody but even if you lash out at people in grief it's still worth an apology. I have my own apologies to make to people, but…as an expert in grief? That's usually intentional to some extent. Some people…when they're really hurt, they feel better hurting everybody else. That's what I did. That was WRONG, but that's what happened.
…I told you about her once briefly, this girl I met when I was about 12. Thalia. She was my best friend and I--anyway it doesn't matter, the thing I never told you is that she's a half-blood, too. She died when I was 14, only she never really quite died. She sacrificed herself to save me and Annabeth and our friend Grover and her dad took pity on her and bound her soul to a tree. She was revived several years later, like six years later…and I thought that she'd want to be on my side, you know? I thought she'd join me in overthrowing the gods, sympathize with me, just like old times. That wasn't true. Actually, she fought me and accidentally kicked me off a cliff. I should have died but Kronos wasn't having that.
Anyway…my point is that Thalia received all kinds of sympathy from campers and I didn't because of the way I went about things. I was angry for a while but that didn't mean I was going to take it out on her. It had nothing to do with Thalia not relating and all to do with me being a jackass. So…I guess the point I'm trying to make is that I can understand grief just fine, but that doesn't mean they're just as equally justified.
Have you told anybody else but me? I'm not that great at this.
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I…yeah. She's…very important to me. Like a little sister or a daughter or…something, I can't explain it very well. But Annabeth saved me and saved Olympus and if I can have more time to talk to her as myself instead of Kronos then I want to take it. I promised her that we'd be a family and I fucked that up. I want to make sure she's all right and that she'll be all right without me, wherever I go. You'd like her, I think. Very smart, very capable…she'd like you, too.
Sure, if you want to simplify it like that. In our world, when all souls die they go to the Underworld and they wait to be sorted. One of the places they can be sorted into is Elysium…it's reserved for good people, heroes and people like them. If you get into Elysium, you get the option to be reborn. If you live three lives and get into Elysium all three times, you can gain entrance to the Isles of Blest which is the ultimate paradise for the dead. Annabeth told me before I died that I would go to Elysium because I did the right thing in the end. I wasn't sure I believed her, so…I tried to make everything I did here count. I told her I was going to try for rebirth. At the time I believed it, too.
That's the risk with starting over or going backwards, I think. You never know if you're going to like the person after that. For a while, I always assumed that was the only option. Go home and be someone else, or just stay dead. Elysium's supposedly pretty good…but I think I'd get bored there. Being here though I think I finally found a third option. I don't think I've wanted anything quite so badly in a long time.
Anyway…I'm not blaming anybody but even if you lash out at people in grief it's still worth an apology. I have my own apologies to make to people, but…as an expert in grief? That's usually intentional to some extent. Some people…when they're really hurt, they feel better hurting everybody else. That's what I did. That was WRONG, but that's what happened.
…I told you about her once briefly, this girl I met when I was about 12. Thalia. She was my best friend and I--anyway it doesn't matter, the thing I never told you is that she's a half-blood, too. She died when I was 14, only she never really quite died. She sacrificed herself to save me and Annabeth and our friend Grover and her dad took pity on her and bound her soul to a tree. She was revived several years later, like six years later…and I thought that she'd want to be on my side, you know? I thought she'd join me in overthrowing the gods, sympathize with me, just like old times. That wasn't true. Actually, she fought me and accidentally kicked me off a cliff. I should have died but Kronos wasn't having that.
Anyway…my point is that Thalia received all kinds of sympathy from campers and I didn't because of the way I went about things. I was angry for a while but that didn't mean I was going to take it out on her. It had nothing to do with Thalia not relating and all to do with me being a jackass. So…I guess the point I'm trying to make is that I can understand grief just fine, but that doesn't mean they're just as equally justified.
Have you told anybody else but me? I'm not that great at this.