baptizer | week 13

week 13

[ She wants to go home.

That's all she wants.

But she can't. She saw the datapad display her world as nothing but some wicked fulfilled prophecy. If she can just ... reset everything to what it was... to bring people back before the project, all would be right. She could go back to Columbia. Booker would be alive. Hancock, Jason, Luke, Yuno, Jack - ... even Rhys, they'd all be safe.

It's simple to her. A tear is a door to another world and she wants so desperately to do that.

So that's how she offers herself. That's how she views this can pan out. Being the subject of an experiment...? A specimen...? It's not unusual and oh how her heart pains coming to that conclusion.

Maybe that's all she is, in the end.

She lies in her bed, clutching at her pillow and looking at the datapad. She could bother the boys but no... she can't. They're all suffering.

If there was any solace it was that the Nuwa was safe. If they could revive the dead, that means the Nuwa could too.

...Booker could be alive. ]

...I wish you were here, Booker.

[ Elizabeth croaks out without thinking, feeling her breath catch in her throat. ]

I wish we made it to Paris.

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[ there's nothing waiting for her back at home. no Columbia, no tower, no Songbird, no Comstock ― no Booker. just a world in ruins. a world led to ruins by an Elizabeth that's not far off from the one currently on the Pygmalion. as much as she would like to return as a way of escaping what upsets her here, with all of the pain and misery shared between those that have become dear to her, she has to face the music.

or, at least, should face the music. she stubbornly denies it to her last breath, in true Elizabeth fashion, offering herself as a martyr to attempt to save everyone on both ships. the costs of doing such a thing are blatantly obvious. she would most likely die. she would once again be used for her powers and nothing else, only this time, it would be by her own choosing. did that make things any better? Elizabeth is the only one that may be able to answer that.

as if her words possessed the power to summon someone, Elizabeth would be able to see an image begin to overtake whatever she was currently doing on her datapad. the pixels are unclear at first, showing what could only be a familiar look of a man with messily styled hair and the visage of a five o'clock shadow that has since passed an hour or three. it begins to clear, revealing a solid black void as a background with Booker's face staring straight at her through the screen. he remains quiet for a moment, no emotion indicative of excitement over seeing her again revealed in his expressions.

his voice speaks out to her as if his audio had just cut in mid-sentence, more dry and somber than she may remember even as he played the role of a stoic guardian. ]

―right here, Elizabeth. Looks like you're having a bad day. Can't be much different than normal for you.

[ maybe Elizabeth is the only one that can answer the questions that surround her. Booker can at least try and help guide her to the right ones. ]

[ It happened quicker than she could have imagined. The datapad lit up and - no, a video. A legitimate video of a familiar face that had long since pushed to the back of her mind. She thought Booker had been safe - he was out back in their world and ...the harsh reality was that he was just as trapped as her.

It took a while for her to realize it, that Booker had died too. That he was stuck in his own program like her.

...It wouldn't be so bad if they were together. She thinks he'd get along with Hancock and can learn some manners from Adelina.

...and give her reason to stay away from Jack and Rhys. Selfishly, she would love for that.

Elizabeth sits up, clutching desperately at the datapad. ]

Booker...? Is it - it's you..? [ Was their unlocks on the communication barrier to the living to - to the Nuwa as well? ] I missed you, I missed you so much...

[ Her voice cracks and she has to hold every breath to compose herself. ]

Every day is bad, Booker.

[ Booker died, alright. he died being the idiot that she had eventually grown attached to, killing out of either emotion or because he was once again given a motive to wipe away all of his debt. he died long before Elizabeth had, likely spending time wallowing in self-defeat over not getting back to her so that she could successfully escape Columbia. little did he know that, after all this time, she was trapped in a new cage altogether. imagine the frustration Booker would feel over once again being helpless in aiding her much-needed freedom.

it was eerily strange that none of that frustration is currently shown in his presentation, either in the steady drag of his words or his unyielding gaze. the only thing she gets is the weakest attempt of a half-smile at the mentioning of how much he has been missed. ]

Are you sure? Missing me... there's bound to be better ways to spend your time. [ a pause. he is patient with Elizabeth as she tries to fight her way through each syllable that spills from her lips. ] Missed you too. I know I have.

[ his wording is strange but he doesn't dwell on it long enough for her to consider what he could possibly mean. eyebrows lower as he seemingly studies her face, her sadness, her inner turmoil. she mentions that every day is bad and he can only nod. ]

At least you haven't been alone. You've had enough of that for one lifetime.

There's not a lot to do when you're dead, you know.

[ So why not miss him? Why not miss her tower...? ]

It would be easier if you were here - is... is that selfish? I thought you were back in New York. I thought you were safe but...

[ She can't clue in on anything - he's looking at her, he's talking to her. It's a miracle that she's able to string words together. Her first friend, she thinks, and the first one to offer her freedom. ]

Are you sure...? I feel alone - I feel as if that emptiness hasn't gone away. Even if I have people I care about - people I want to save... I don't know if I can.

Your tower doesn't deserve you. What has it ever done for you?

[ she didn't mention anything about her tower. Booker gives no tells that remind her that she hadn't. he questions her instead; makes her think about what had changed. the Elizabeth that he knows wanted nothing more than to be free from her tower for good. her tower was, in fact, destroyed and left behind for bigger and better things.

―like Paris. ]

It is. Do you think that you of all people deserve the right to be selfish, though? After all this time?

[ his answers to her questions are, frustratingly enough, in the form of a question of his own. he doesn't give her the yes or no that she could expect from the often bluntly opinionated man. the only thing he can give at this point was his voice, still somehow capable of providing a soothing tone as he remains calm and composed. ]

I can't say, Elizabeth. You're around other people, dead or alive. You can see them, talk to them ― touch them. You say you care about them. Are you worried they don't care for you?

[ he can, at the very least, affirm something for her. ]

I think I would say that's pretty damn ignorant of you if you believe that.

[ Did it - did she slip...? She's thought of her tower a lot, so it's not unbelievable. ]

I was safe there.

[ Safe, but not living. Safe, but not feeling. Safe, but still wanting.

It was security. Songbird served more than an icon to Columbia, but as Elizabeth's protector. It fought endlessly to keep her safe, to keep her in her tower. Even with it destroyed - she can go back to it, right? She can find a tear and -

No, she stops thinking of that.

He speaks to her and makes her chew on her words, giving a half-hearted shrug. He makes sense, she think, but she can't bring herself to accept it. There's always a "but - " ]

No, it's not that. It's... people aren't what I thought they would be. When it's reading books, it's easy to see the villain from the hero. The charming rogue who saves the day and learns a lesson or the seductress in waiting - context clues. Reading line after line to come to the conclusion it was there the entire time...

... I don't think I'm very good at reading people as much as I am reading books.

[ She's trusted some very bad people. ]

There's another girl here, Booker. She - ... she has powers like my own. Yuno knows how it feels and she's trying so hard to save them. I need to do what I can to save us too. Everyone in this damn project... take them back from which they've came. I think I'm the only one who can do that.

And I'm scared.

Mm. That's a way to describe it, I s'pose.

[ she wasn't really as safe as she thought she was. even Booker knew that. under the watchful eye and thumb of Comstock, there would have come a time, whether it was a year or a decade from the day he was supposed to have broken her out, where she would be exploited one way or another. nothing lasted forever, both good and bad. life was full of fluctuations like that, and Elizabeth couldn't have possibly known. hers was static, day in and day out of nothing but reading books and experiencing the world from a series of pages. ]

You weren't ready for something like this. No one was, really. You weren't ready to see that life isn't just white or black. People kill. People feel. People don't feel. [ another pause. ] On second thought... maybe you were, to an extent. People are killers, Elizabeth. You know that I am.

―Even you aren't exempt from that.

[ and the Booker that she knows would have some Choice Words about that, but alas, this isn't his time. she's talking to him for a very particular reason, after all. ]

Consider something for me. If you don't like what you've learned about how people can be... why do you want to save them? What did a bunch of killers do to warrant your help?

[ The glow of the datapad makes her feel like she was with him. He was here. It was childish, but it reassures her and she finally just...slumps against the wall the bed was pressed against. ]

I know what man is capable of now, trust me. [ She thinks of finding bodies - of seeing the death first hand. Seeing her friends fall victim or kill out of their own deception. No one deserved that... ]

And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.

[ Her words carry a dryness to them, as if she was forcing to believe her own words. Those weren't her words - His words. His holy divine words in which doing good saves your soul and even if your hand drips of blood, you can be welcomed to His kingdom. That's what she assumes, any way.

She spoke to Jack about repentance, and maybe, this is hers. ]

Are you suggesting I ignore this...? Let them choose to stay in their cradles, let those with sin behind or refuse their entrance back home - Booker... I ... I don't know. I can't see anything anymore, no universes, no tears... I don't think I can find all of the answers here, but I can try to be selfless... Be good.

Still got a penchant for bible verses, I see. Just wish I could tell you for sure that it's a good habit to keep.

[ there's a verse for everything, and maybe, just maybe, Elizabeth could find some insight in the words. there is definitely a Booker or two out there that believed as such, else Columbia wouldn't have been born. was that really the footsteps she wanted to follow at a time like this? the Booker before her declines the opportunity to present such a question. he's already asked enough to make her think and consider what she wants to do next. ]

I'm not suggesting. I'm asking you to consider. Study both sides of the coin before you make a call. There's no guarantee in either choice you make. [ another few moments pass, the unsettling crackle in the audio providing the only noise coming from the datapad. ] You could exhaust your powers... save the day, get everyone back home in one piece. Maybe you make it out as well, maybe you don't. Or― maybe you kill yourself for no reason. For good. You've already given up Paris. Do you want to give up more for them?

[ huh. never brought up Paris, but again, he's moved on so quickly that it almost seemed like common knowledge. ]

Good karma doesn't exactly fit well with your verses, Elizabeth. Conflict of interest 'n all.

Edited 2016-09-01 07:12 (UTC)

Some things don't change, Booker.

[ This was the first time that she sounded like her old self. The self that so openly ventured the halls from Battleship Bay, exploring the shops with amusement and wonder. The little things, she thinks. ]

I don't want any of this, but I'm still trapped here. [ There's an uncomfortable amount of silence as Elizabeth tilts the datapad sharper. He can see how she reacts with looking away. ] Getting what I want isn't in the cards at this point.

[ Booker hits her with karma and she flinches. Maybe that's what she wants? Do good and good will be done unto you.

Is that what she believes in now? ]

There's a possibility here. I - I get it. Jason and Luke are scared. Hancock's angry with me. But no one here gets it. These scientists - the one who created the program - they watched me just... just like the people in Columbia. They watched both of us, Booker. They know what we were capable of.

[ Giving up was... a hell of a lot. And at this point, she thinks of the friends she made along the way. The feelings she's had. The blood on her hands and the way her body grotesquely ripped apart and inflicted pain.

She sobs.

She cries and she knows she has to do this. ]

There's no one else! I'm so scared, Booker - I just... I just wish you were here... you know what is at stake.. no one else.

And just think ― you want nothing more than to go back "home" where people will do the exact same thing.

[ she may believe she sees Booker flinch just enough to be noticeable when she begins to breakdown in front of him. her sobs are heard and her tears visible on her face, and it was obvious that she was hurting. Elizabeth was distraught with pain over what life had decided to do to her, regardless of where she's went. it was truly unfortunate, and the Booker that she misses surely would want to be there to comfort her during such a time.

an image of him speaking out to her will just have to do for now. ]

Even if you play the role of the hero and "save the day"... to take over what you believe my place would be if I was there... there's no guarantee people will recognize you for it. No guarantee of a happy ending for anyone. You of all people know nothing is for certain.

[ the only constant out there was just that. no guarantees for anything. ]

It's alright to be scared, y'know. You have a big decision to make. ―And be happy I'm not there, Elizabeth. You know that I would probably do everything in my power to stop you from doing this.

It would make sense then. I would know that is where fate wanted me to be.

[ She's stubborn, between debilitating sobs, it takes a few minute to get herself together. Booker had seen her sob in the zeppelin when she saw her freedom taken from her by his own hands - his realization that New York was more important than Paris. Luckily... they seemed to have moved past it. Or started to. ]

I don't want recognition... God, no, that's not what this is - [ She just wants, in the end, for things to be okay. Time didn't rot away her hope yet, but as the power in the ship drains... it won't be much longer til it does. ] I can't sit by and wait. I did that my entire life until you came along. I have to do something.

[ Her head lifts up from her defeated state, looking at the screen more thoroughly. He told her it was alright to be scared and truthfully, Elizabeth feels a bit more accepting of her feelings. ]

I know. I would do it anyway, you know this.

[ She smiles a bit. ]

[ of course she doesn't want recognition. this is Elizabeth that they were talking about, a lady that wouldn't have even known the definition to the word if she hadn't probably read a book that used it in a sentence. she wants nothing more than to help people escape this death trap of a ship, to undo all of the pointless murders and deaths that had changed people. changed her. she just needed a reminder of why it was so important to try in the first place. ]

Sounds to me that you've made your mind up, then. [ he smiles when her lips curve upwards, almost as if he was just mirroring the brief change in moods. ] Do I? Are you sure I know this? You've done things a bit differently than what I would have likely expected.

[ his cryptic questioning returns and was more blatant than before. Booker couldn't have possibly known what Elizabeth has been up to, having been on a completely different ship and killed long before the Pygmalion was even made aware to those that were stuck on the Nuwa. ]

But... yeah. I think you're right. You've craved independence for so long. No chance in hell you're going to listen to anyone in the long run, better yet me. Especially me.

[ Booker's smile surprisingly widens. ]

That's a good thing. Don't you forget that.

[ It feels so long ago that she discovered the precious Lamb of Columbia was... well, her. The recognition that she would sit the throne and deliver Comstock's message to the future generations was something she didn't want. Just like those trapped between the war of Comstock and Daisy Fitzroy, Elizabeth felt some need to help those people.

His question catches her off guard. Had she changed this much? She's a little defensive over that. ]

That... that's to be expected, isn't it? After hosting one of those creatures inside of me and -

[ She stops mid-sentence. No, Booker doesn't deserve to hear her rant about this. ]

Nevermind...

[ She trails off, likely hiding her shame a bit more. ]

I still have faith, Booker. You know what happened with Chen Lin - I... I can do this. What's a few million universes to shift through anyway? [ It was a half-confident smile, one that is like she's really... trying to convince herself. ] ...I just want to bring us back... All of us.

...You too.

[ being the Lamb of Columbia can only be trumped by the realization that you were hosting a murderous alien that had killed those that were closest to her on the ship. Booker wasn't in the place to judge or critique the transformation she's gone through. the haircut, the outfit, the supposed loss of her innocent, yet optimistic outlook on life. his sole purpose for speaking to her tonight was to discuss her feelings, what was eating away at her from the inside out.

if she didn't, things were only bound to get worse before they could even think to get better. ]

You control more power than just about anyone on your ship. You may very well be their last shot at getting something out of this that isn't completely fucked. Elizabeth... you're carrying a lot of weight on your shoulders right now.

[ all things that she may know, but hasn't quite accepted. it's a heavy responsibility, especially for one that was supposed to be dead in the first place. not a lot of people would spend their second chance of a life risking it all over again. ]

I think Book― ... I know I am proud of you. Regardless of what happens. You were meant to use your tears to bathe the world in flames, and yet ― you try to be a savior in your own right.

Maybe it's time to put away the bible and realize you are your own woman. Forge your own path... heh. You get the point.

I guess I was always destined to, if Comstock had his way.

[ Weight on her shoulders? Laughs, that seems to be all she has in her future. She doesn't want to die. Elizabeth doesn't want anyone to dismiss her idea because of this. If it happens, it happens, but the fear in her voice when she speaks is obvious that she's terrified. ]

This is my path..I think. If it brings everyone back, so be it. I just want ... I just want it to bring me back to you. To save you, for once.

[ It sounds so stupid when she says it out loud, honestly. She had just met him and even with the slip of his tongue earlier - she values him more than he'd ever know. The man who gave her freedom when she had none... ]

Booker... I'm sorry that you died... I'm sorry that you were stuck here too.

Pretty sure even Comstock didn't have all of this in mind. Isn't it funny? You wouldn't be in the position to help everyone if it wasn't for him. Even monsters are able to provide a parting gift.

[ not exactly a fact that Elizabeth would happily chew on, no doubt, but a fact non-the-less. if she didn't have her body experimented on, she would be a normal woman that had been killed, helpless to watch on as everyone alive fought for their lives or gave up. maybe she wanted nothing more than to be normal, but right now, it was important that she wasn't. ]

It's okay. We're all bound to go at some point. 'm sure you're aware I was just being an idiot. Didn't have you there to keep me in check.

[ and it was his urgency to get back to his world that probably got him killed in the first place. Booker never likely realized how badly he wanted to return to the Elizabeth that he assumed was still on Columbia, to ensure she wasn't left alone in the middle of a war only to inevitably be snatched back up again. if only he knew there was somewhere else he needed to be at the time... ]

Elizabeth. You know already, don't you?

Don't say that. Comstock would have thought of something worse.

[ She's pessimistic in her odd bursts of hope. When it comes to Comstock, she always is. She wouldn't ever get to tell him how much she hates him - how he's a vile stain on mankind. ]

Booker... don't... don't say that.

[ They didn't have aliens on their ship. She's not sure how he died or what circumstances... but she knows it was his own doing or he was killed. Both options pain her. He tries and reassure her but she starts crying again, knowing the first man to show her kindness was dead. And she was helpless. ]

What? What do I know...?

[ he doesn't respond to anything else that she says. Booker listens to her as she starts breaking down into a fit of tears ago, studying the sadness expressed on her face. she wasn't in a situation that carried a guaranteed good ending except for the one that ensured she would live a false life, blissfully ignorant of how she got to the fake version of Paris that she was hungry to see again. none of the options presented would bring Booker back. it was yet another reason as to why she had to keep trying.

but it was clear that she was deeply upset over the fact that he was dead, not unlike that of Elizabeth herself. if only they could have at least died together, but no; they were both killed before they were even aware of each other's nearby existence. even Booker would be upset with that knowledge. ]

So you don't.

[ it would come as all too clear for her in retrospect, when this conversation was over and done with. all of the enigmatic responses, the uncanny composure in Booker's voice that never faltered, the constant hypothetical's regarding his own opinions.

he stares through the datapad and into Elizabeth's eyes, seemingly holding her gaze as he gives her one last smile. it was the closest thing to genuine as a hallucination could possibly get. not a second later, the screen begins to glitch and the image fades, bringing her back to whatever she had been previously looking at before he had appeared in the first place. all she'll hear is one last set of words. ]

I'm not actually here, Elizabeth. But... maybe we'll run into each other again.

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week 13

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